Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm both gender and math confused
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