Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
