he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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