my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
