The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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