Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
