Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
