what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
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You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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