have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
