oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
