just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
