I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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