well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
