how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
