hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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