what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
