i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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