Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
