I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
