Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
