You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
