Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
What drink are we having for lunch?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
