Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
