mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
