its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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