God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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