UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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