I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The air was thick with penises
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
