I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
