over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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