I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
