he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
