Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
