i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
