We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
