How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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