You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
