Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
