I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
