I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
