I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
