I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
