he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
