Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
