well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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