Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
