Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
