you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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