i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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