i barfeds in our rink
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
