dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
