I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Where is the hickey?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
