sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
