just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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