i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
