Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
