she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
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I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
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we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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