it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
