I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
