On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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