Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
