once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
