i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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