Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We got so high we made milksteak
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
What a dumb baby whore.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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