I bet he comes in French.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
