his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
