I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
