gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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