Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
