The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
