Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
