I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
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Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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