Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Sponge bath it is.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Randomize
